I’ve posted about balancing writing with a full time job and writing as a pet owner, so it only seems natural that I would also share my experience of writing after becoming a parent.
The timeline for when I’m publishing this is somewhat telling—I had my baby over a year ago and am just now sitting down to reflect on how it’s impacted my creative process. I have new priorities and new routines that are constantly adapting as my kid gets older and their needs change. My writing time has definitely dwindled, and when I do have time to sit down at the keyboard, I’m always having to decide which project needs my attention most.
The benefit of putting off writing about juggling parenthood and my creative life is that I have fifteen months of experience and can share all the ups and downs that have come along with that.
Writing During Pregnancy
Let’s head all the way back to 2023 and talk about the first wrench that was thrown in my writing routine.
Despite having consumed plenty of content from women talking about how mentally and physically hard being pregnant is, I wasn’t prepared for it to change things for me in the ways that it did. Morning sickness, a pregnancy aversion to coffee, and fatigue quickly killed a staple of my daily routine. I had no interest in getting up early to read and enjoy waking up slowly over a hot cup of coffee.
I took more naps than I’ve ever taken in my life, and was hungry all the time. Just existing seemed to take up so much more time than it ever had before, which naturally ate into my writing time.
I think this is best demonstrated by looking at my writing goals during this time. I finished the first draft of my second novel in January of 2023, and wanted to finish the second draft before my due date in January of 2024.
I didn’t finish that second draft until December of 2024, when I had a ten month old.
I had to give myself a lot of grace during this time and remind myself that I had a lot going on! And fortunately, because of the stage I’m at in my writing career, there were no hard deadlines I had to meet. Yes, I missed my personal goal—by a lot. But I was able to readjust my expectations for myself and still eventually accomplished what I set out to do.
Writing With a Newborn
Probably the most shocking part of my writing journey since I started pursuing parenthood is that I found time to write while I was on maternity leave.
Not a lot of time, mind you, but given the way the newborn stage is typically depicted, I didn’t expect to have any at all. Tiny babies sleep a lot, though, so I did steal a few hours to sit at my desk while I was off work. There definitely wasn’t any writing “routine” happening, but cranking out a few pages here and there was a vital confidence booster for me during this time.
I knew that adding a kid into the mix on top of all my other responsibilities was going to put a strain on my writing time. Successfully finding just a little bit of space for my writing in those early days made me feel like I could make it work going forward, even if I only wrote a little bit at a time.
I also got a lot of reading done while I was feeding my baby, and reading is an important aspect of a healthy writing practice. Now that I have a toddler, I feel super accomplished if I get through more than 30 pages in a single day.
Writing After Going Back to Work
Once my maternity leave ended and I was back to working 40 hours per week on top of my new parenting duties, those free hours when I could sneak in a few hundred words disappeared.
If you only take away one piece of advice from this post, this should be it. I don’t think my writing practice would have survived my first year of parenthood without some kind of accountability in place.
I have a writer friend with whom I meet up once per month to grab coffee and spend some time writing together. After I went back to work, I also started getting together with my friend again. Although the frequency of my writing routine was greatly reduced, I still found it very comforting to have some predictability in my work again.
Just planning to take some time away once per month wouldn’t have been enough, though. You give up a lot of your sense of individuality when you become a mom, and I think it would have been really easy to become lax about taking time for myself if there wasn’t another person involved to keep me accountable.
Writing With a Toddler
My kid is getting older, but isn’t quite at the stage where independent play is a consistent part of our day. As a result, nap time is sacred. It’s one hour I can count on to have uninterrupted time to get something crossed off my to do list.
I’m not always able to use this time to write, but every once in a while I’ll have a slow week where all the chores are done and my other commitments are fulfilled, and I get to spend that hour diving into my draft. This plus my monthly writing sessions with my friend constitute my new writing routine.
Having It All as a Mom and a Writer
I’m certainly not coming anywhere close to the daily writing routine that many people insist is a necessity if you’re going to succeed as a writer. And I’m okay with that.
I truly enjoy being a parent. It’s something that I chose for myself and actively sought out. I’m glad to have the chance to spend a lot of time with my child during these early years.
I think some people would look at my current writing practices and say they’re proof that you can’t have it all—you can’t be a parent and work a full time job and maintain meaningful relationships and find time for creative work. In some ways, they would be right.
But over the past couple of years, I’ve shifted my mindset on this topic. It’s not that I can’t have it all, just that I can’t have it all right now.
I used to think that I would have small children and usher my first book into the world at the same time. Now I think it’s more likely that the latter won’t happen for several more years, until after my kids are in school. And that’s okay. I’ll get there when I get there. The timeline has gone out the window.
I can write a book later, but I won’t have another chance to chase my toddler around the living room to make them laugh, or to watch them experience new things for the first time. It’s a major paradigm shift, for sure. But I’ve come to feel very content with the writing time that I do have and the goals I am able to achieve, even if they take me a lot longer than they would have a few years ago.
Some Resources for Writing Parents
There are two resources I’ve really enjoyed when it comes to changing my outlook and my writing routine as a parent.
The first is an article by Keri Bertino that was published in The Millions called “A Guide to Making Art as a Parent.” I reread this piece every once in a while to remind myself that it’s possible to be both a mom and a writer, than many people have done it before, and that it’s okay to give myself a break. The goal right now is to keep my writing practice alive, even if it’s sort of just on life support. The only rule is don’t stop.
Another resource that has provided me with relatable stories is the podcast I’m a Writer But. The hosts and their guests discuss their writing practices, what they’re working on, and how they juggle writing and life with kids and other responsibilities.
If you’re looking for reassurance that your writing career isn’t over because you’ve had a baby, I hope these resources—and this blog post—give you some encouragement and ideas for how to continue to pursue your writing dreams, even if that looks differently than it did before.
Feature Image Credit: Unsplash
Molly Tyler
Molly received her B.A. in English in 2016, and her M.F.A. in Creative Writing in 2019. She now works full time as a digital content marketer.